Telling you I’m tired does not make me weak. It connotes dependence. Sometimes I feel like I’m travelling the same road with the same view of endless rows of trees. Nothing changes, the wheels keep spinning, trees fleeing backwards while the road rises to meet the car.
The feeling is like going nowhere fast. Every mile in the journey like a new arrival point. Only on arriving, you have to depart again immediately; the journey has to go on. Going nowhere very fast you say?
That describes the jaunty ride with me in the driver’s seat. Everything has to make sense, everything has to be understood. If I don’t understand, then something is wrong.
Enter: Prevalent confusion and a scramble for answers- the jaunty ride with me in the driver’s seat you say?
The smooth ride with me riding shotgun: It gets you everywhere by dependence. Trust. I push my seat back, pull my Stetson over my eyes and take a leisurely nap. Oh the bliss! Like that, we roll through the deserts and the cities, pulling up every now and then to grab a bite at diners. When we run out of gas, my benefactor takes care of it. You would think I was taking advantage of him, but my caretaker would have it no other way. He whistles and hums and generally makes the ride memorable. Smooth ride, top down, me in the passenger’s seat, wind in my hair and giggles in my spirit you say?
Why do I feel like I always have to be in control? I know that my powers are limited and I can only be in one place at a time. Trying to manage everything all at once ultimately drives me up the wall. People have gone certifiable in that manner I dare say, many have become control freaks and their lives are no fun, many more are confused and frustrated…yes, frustrated and confused I say.
Hat in hand, I come to you dear caretaker, I have tried doing your job and I’ve fallen short. What you do with ease, I cannot, even with best of my abilities achieve. You gave up your life to do this Lord. Then, you gave a standing invitation- you said you’d take me up whenever I am ready to give up my struggles. Humbly and gladly, I accept your invite. Give me respite; take the wheel. Take the wheel I say, and take me to all the way to destiny.