The scales fall off and I find; I am not into you anymore.
The blinding colours are gone and I see things in depressing white-black.
I travelled in time. When the capsule burst, I found I’ve been fast forwarded to a future time. A time: when the passion is forced until you can’t be bothered to even try- passion that right now, sets the ocean ablaze:
when what used to make laugh, makes cry;
when you are disillusioned, irritable and judgmental:
A time when I’d have to fight to get your attention- attention that you presently lavish on me;
when trusting you will require superpowers, sap my energy and weary my soul- trust that I now so effortlessly give:
A time when we disconnect and lead separate lives within the unending circle of a wedding band- lives that are so intertwined now, that we can’t identify where you end and I begin;
Time when what I presently consider cute about you, becomes vain and annoying;
when your career, your friends, fame, money and power are your prime interests and I, a mere distraction;
Time when our favourite song make us feel nostalgic but neither of us can look the other in the eye, let alone dance;
when we privately long for the us that used to be, but egos would grant no access;
Time when you trace your first mistake in the relationship to saying hello back; agreeing to be mine, heck, to saying I do, because, you wish you hadn’t;
when I love you’s are cold meals served on cold beds by cold hearts;
Time when the kids are the reason you come home;when you only touch me or speak to me when our friends are around;
when we simply live together to keep up appearances and we often wonder what we saw in each other in the first place:
I refrain from insulting your intelligence by saying it’s me, not you…
I took an expensive trip to the future and I don’t like what I see.
Sure, letting go is hard but sticking close is harder still.
I see the signs: so far, I’ve only chosen to see what I want and I have believed what I will;
I am in the future and it does not look like I am only here for a visit.
I hear you say, that is the fear talking, but no. This is not a coward’s excuse. It is not a heartbreaker’s anthem, neither is it the loser’s creed. Really, it takes strength to see clearly and say it the way it is. That is all the strength that I have, besides, with you, I am simply jaded.
On second thought, maybe it is… the heartbreaker’s creed.